In my 8 years as a trauma therapist, I have worked with so many clients from different backgrounds, and levels of trauma complexity. Recently a friend asked me what she should prioritize when looking for a trauma-informed counselor for herself, and I realized I didn’t have an answer I could immediately put into words! 

After carefully reviewing current research, and sifting through the numerous individual case files, the answer was very clear to me- the relationship between the therapist and the client played THE MOST important role in healing trauma- be that childhood sexual abuse, war, pregnancy loss, domestic violence, or a motor accident. The therapeutic relationship is especially so important for immigrant women, and BIPOC women who have experienced historic betrayals, revenge, anger, and violence within relationships. Colonialism, anti-immigration policies, patriarchy, and sexism can seriously affect many women’s ability and openness to forming deep relationships. 

While skills, certifications, and years of experience do play an important role, therapists who make a diligent and sustained effort to remain genuinely connected with the clients, and care about their lived experiences contribute to creating a healing relationship. This healing relationship that you share with your therapist can play an important role in stimulating oxytocin– the care hormone that helps the brain calm down, engage in deep relationships, and experience a sense of safety. Oxytocin can directly contribute in off-setting our trauma reactions and symptoms, including 

Shutting down

Anxiety

Sleeplessness

Anger

Numbness, and many more! 

A genuine connection with your therapist can promote oxytocin flow, which in turn can help

Your body relax

You be open-minded

You engage in humor

You experience safety 

You move past the trauma narrative

So when looking for your next therapist, slow down and see if the individual is truly listening to you. Check if you feel heard, and supported. Your body can give you helpful cues, and you are invited to trust it if it feels okay.