People around me keep telling me I need therapy. Why?

More than half of my clients tell me that they have reached out to me because their friends and family have been telling them they need therapy. In fact, it is possible that you have been told this too, at some point. I try to interpret this statement in two ways before drawing any conclusions.

When the advice comes from a place of love and care: When clients tell me that their best friend or a partner told them to seek therapy, it possible that people around them are noticing some important behaviors that need change. These behaviors and emotions could center around grief, trauma, stress, work-life balance, and life changes. It is very common that as people who are viewing our lives very closely, we cannot fully understand our big picture and can fail to notice changes in our mental health. Relationship related stress can feel very normalized to us. For instance, when I was working with college students, one girl in her 20s told me that everyone around her encouraged her to leave her boyfriend, but she didn’t see why. As we examined her relationship in therapy, and explored the unhealthy patterns, it became clear to me, and eventually to her, that he was extremely abusive, and controlling. So, the first possible explanation is that people around you are likely noticing something in your mental health that may not be obviously visible to you. This is a good thing- that people around you care about you!

When the advice is packaged as an insult: Unfortunately, mental illness and mental health related challenges are often used as insults and weapons. Many people use unhelpful words such as “crazy” “depressed”, “OCD” to describe everyday typical behaviors. When you feel someone used the statement “you need therapy” as an insult, it may be helpful to distance yourself from shame, guilt, embarrassment, and any other difficult feelings coming up. I have said this to several loved ones in my personal life, and in my career that going to therapy is not a shameful act. Therapy is a place of healing, growth, and creativity, and we could all use some aspects of that in our lives. While the intent may have been unhelpful, it could still be meaningful to check in with yourself and see if you could benefit from mental health support.