Childhood trauma

Many clients who reach out to me ask this question before starting therapy. Trauma, based on my training as a CCTP and my lived experiences, is the wound or wounds that we carry as a result of painful and threatening event/s. It is a distressing event or a series of distressing events that cause scarring of our psyche, resulting in a shift from our usual way of functioning. 

Despite what most of us believe, almost all of us have a trauma history. This could be our early childhood experiences of being abandoned, rejected, or punished for being “bad”. These critical moments can dramatically alter how we respond to the world around us, and shape our beliefs about the world (e.g., big bad world, people are a means to an end). 

It is very rare to not have any traumatic experience for an individual. We all are evolving, and growing beings who may have caused hurt and trauma to others through our words, actions, and inactions. Thus, vice versa is also true. So while many clients insist they don’t have a trauma history, what they usually mean is that they have not been in a car crash, or have watched a parent overdose. 

Trauma is not just these big moments. Trauma is not just the bad things that happened to us. Trauma is also the good things that should have happened (e.g., loving safe touch, a place to reach for comfort when you are feeling sick or tired) that didn’t happen to us. In fact, subtle seemingly minor forms of rejection, judgment, and punishment can be very threatening to a growing brain that immediately latches on to a new (and often painful) way of navigating the world. 

It could be helpful to ask yourself:

1. Are there parts of my childhood that I avoid thinking about or have no memories even if I try to think about?

2. Do I find myself feeling numb or frozen when I recall some memories from my life, especially my childhood?

3. Are there parts of myself that I dismiss, deny, or even feel disgusted with?

4. Do I find myself excessively holding on to the rules, structures, and principles as a way to organize my life and relationships? 

If you feel safe, you can ask a loved one to answer these questions about you as well. It may provide good feedback. I usually ask the above questions to check for an individual’s trauma history. 

One last thing before you leave: Having a trauma history and recognizing it doesn’t mean one is broken, or incomplete or unlovable or any of the hurtful things the world may have told us. Having a trauma history and becoming aware of it is an indication that you are alive and breathing right now, and that you are able to step away from it, and see it for what it is.